my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
