They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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