I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
