My sheets look like a crime scene.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
