this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
