He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
