It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
