one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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