I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
