Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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