I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
