I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
