just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
