Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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