My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
