dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
