how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
