Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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