Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
