my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
