im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
