My sheets look like a crime scene.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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