The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
