I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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