My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
