Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
