I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
time to smoke my breakfast
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
