There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Randomize
