Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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