I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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