I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
