i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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