You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Randomize
