I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
