I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
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