so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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