I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
