Do you still have your period?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
