You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
