i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
