I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am available for nakedness
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
