Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
