I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Randomize
