how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
