I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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