I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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