i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
