I'm laying in your front yard are you home
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
