is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
