I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
