you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
