I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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