I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
